When I was a girl, my life was music that was always getting louder. Everything moved me. A dog following a stranger. That made me feel so much. A calendar that showed the wrong month. I could have cried over it. I did. Where the smoke from a chimney ended. How an overturned bottle rested at the edge of a table.

I spent my life learning to feel less. Every day I felt less.

Is that growing old? Or is it something worse? You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.

In the old days, if someone had a secret they didn't want to share, they went up a mountain, found a tree, carved a hole in it, and whispered the secret into the hole. Then they covered it with mud, and left the secret there forever.

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Let me just start out that I'm furious. I wrote a good entry and I pressed something and ~poof~

Can anyone ever make the right choices? Choices that they can swear on their grave it'll have a good outcome? I don't think so. There's been a few people now that have told me I'm too young to be in this relationship. That I need to slow down or all of this will lead to heartbreak. It's sad though. I think most people expect the worst now, they're always so cautious. And yet they have these rules to go by to make it all better. But everyone is different you know. Ron was literally the last thing on my mind and yet he came. So should I end it just because it's "not the right time?" No. I think it all works out if you go in it with the best of intentions. Loving someone is a big and dangerous thing, but it's also a beautiful thing when you know this person has your heart and is always trying to make it happy. Your life in theirs, and vice versa. And that's how I feel about Ron. I feel the right things. I must admit I feel a little naive sometimes, because he's a tiny bit older, but I find comfort in the fact that I'm going to grow with him there. And if living the rest of my life, from now on, means having someone right there with me, then I'm all for it.

A new year is approaching, and it's going to be one of a new beginnings for me. I will continue having new adventures, now with a new partner in crime, because what's life without a little discovery?

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